
Posted originally on the Archive_of_Our_Own at https://archiveofourown.org/
works/369238.
  Rating:
      Explicit
  Archive Warning:
      Choose_Not_To_Use_Archive_Warnings, Underage
  Category:
      M/M
  Fandom:
      Homestuck
  Relationship:
      Eridan_Ampora/John_Egbert
  Character:
      Eridan_Ampora, John_Egbert, Kanaya_Maryam
  Additional Tags:
      Drunk_Sex, Drunkenness, First_Time
  Stats:
      Published: 2012-03-25 Words: 1461
****** Such Is The Nature of Drunken Teenagers ******
by MistCover
Summary
     DAVE: kinda feels like we should be drinking our asses off here
     DAVE: no adults nothing to do
     DAVE: thats what you do without adults right
     DAVE: get wasted all the time?
     Eridan and Drunk!John.
     Feat. Kanaya.
Notes
     My part of an Art Trade so it's not something I ship but she liked it
     so all is well :)
     mistcover.tumblr.com
DAVE: kinda feels like we should be drinking our asses off here
DAVE: no adults nothing to do
DAVE: thats what you do without adults right
DAVE: get wasted all the time?
 
And, of course, only Dave would be able to get enough shitty vodka to make sure
everyone got plenty. He insisted it was ironic, that the shitty drinks were a
rite of passage since time immemorial. So what choice did John have? He went
along with it, sipping gingerly at his drink, then actually taking long pulls
at it when Rose started drunkenly reciting her wizard fan fiction from memory.
The alcohol burned on the way down, lighting a fire in John’s veins. Within
minutes, the room was beginning to grow softer on the edges, shapes and colors
swimming, even with his glasses. The boy relaxes, leaning back on the couch and
letting the warmth of the drinks lull him into a semi-conscious repose, before
he hears a familiar voice.
“Wwell hello John, fancy seein you here.” Eridan said, smiling down at the
human. John opens his eyes, staring at the other’s yellow sclera.
“Hey Eridan.” He smiles back, all buck teeth and innocence.
“So I wwas thinking’,” the Troll boy starts, “about you. Evven though you’re a
filthy lowwblood, you’re pretty good at bein a leader, and ten times as deadly
as evveryone else here.” His cheeks light with a soft purple blush as he averts
his eyes.
“Heh, thanks! I thought no one around here appreciates what I do enough.” The
Heir muses, scrunching his face in an effort to find the right words.
“So anyways, I wwas hoping maybe you and I could givve pailin a shot?” Eridan
blurts out, face practically glowing royal purple. The human starts at the
suggestion, blinking blue eyes. The rational part of him says no, this is
stupid, this is stupid to the one million and tenth degree, don’t do it. But
the alcohol addled portion of his brain whispers do it, do it, it’ll be fun, do
it, try it out, who cares? The world is gone, everyone’s dead. Do it.
“Yeah, sure!” He giggles. “Lead the wa-WHOA!” He is cut off my Eridan grabbing
him, mashing their lips together in a satire of a proper kiss. They both taste
of cheap vodka and cranberry juice, tongues thrashing against each other. It is
messy, it is crude, but both boys seem to be enjoying themselves. Eridan is
already tearing off his cape and pants, bending awkwardly around John and the
couch to shimmy out of his garments.
“Oh fuck yes, John,” he starts, “I wwas thinkin I’d nevver get anyone to do
this wwith.” He is gasping for breath around John’s lips, eyes closed. John
doesn’t respond, instead gripping grey shoulders and feebly grinding his hips
upward. And then he is diving back again, forcing their mouths together with
the urgency of the drunk and desperate. The Prince helps John shimmy out of his
jeans and shirt, and soon both are more or less naked (underwear and copious
amounts of jewelry excluded.)
“Okay, I’m not sure we really should- oooh, that’s nice- but I’m not gay!” John
blurts out, his sober brain briefly breaking the surface of his lust, even as
Eridan is working his mouth down John’s chest, suckling at one nipple, hands
roaming everywhere.
“Wwhat the evverlastin fuck is that? Some stupid human concept? Your species is
so pathetic and hateful and evveryone livves on land, howw moronic can you
get?” The troll’s eyes flash with a sudden anger, not necessarily aimed
entirely at the boy who he is divesting of his underwear. Licking a slow line
down from his bellybutton, Eridan starts when he gets to the human’s crotch.
“Wwhat is that?!” he gasps.
“It’s my penis…?” John starts. At this point he’s pretty nervous, sweating
lightly and furrowing his brows in doubt. Okay this was an awful idea, his
brain concludes. Okay this was an awesome idea, his crotch says. It’s all a
confusing bundle that isn’t helped in the slightest by Eridan exploring his
cock, licking the tip lightly, running his fingertips up and down the length of
it, trying to see how it works.
“Can you evven movve this thing?” Eridan asks, curious.
“I guess a little if I try really hard but no not really?” The human responds,
biting his lower lip. The troll, in turn, shrugs, rearing up from his position
off the couch to join John, settling on his knees and letting the boy take a
nice, long look at his own equipment. He’s quite proud of his bulge, actually-
it happens to be 2 inches longer than the norm on Alternia, but what else do
you expect from fucking royalty?- and it’s fully out of it’s shell now, slick
with purple pre cum and waving slightly, begging for something to thrust into.
It’s not human, that’s for sure, but it’s not so wholly alien as to shock John.
“Uh…” John starts, elegantly.
“So wwhere the fuck is your nook?” Eridan demands.
“My what?”
“Oh my god you don’t havve one do you?”
“One what!?”
“This!”
“What the hell why do you have both?”
“Both wwhat?”
“Boy and girl parts… you know…”
“No I fuckin don’t!”
“Yuh huh!”
“Nuh uh!”
“Yuh huh!”
“Nuh uh!”
“Yuh-ohmygod!” Tired of waiting, Eridan has elected to instead slam himself
down onto John, driving the full length of the human inside of him in one fast
thrust. It burns, it burns like hellfire and the feeling you get low in your
gut when you eat food that is way too spicy but godDAMN does it feel good at
the same time. John is keening, biting his knuckle and screwing his eyes shut.
The shot of pleasure that rockets through the troll boy is enormous, and it’s
all he can do to stay upright as he begins to move, sliding up and slamming
down again.
A minute in and the two of them have settled into a clumsy rhythm, Eridan
gripping his bulge with one hand and keeping balance with the other. He has
leaned down, so the two boy’s faces are nearly flush against each other. John
is incoherent, a stream of nonsense words coming out of his mouth in ever
increasing speed. Without warning, he bucks his hips once, nearly screaming as
he pumps the troll full of his cum. Eridan reels back, dislodging himself from
John in the process.
“Okay wwhat the hell wwas that all about?!” He shouts.
“I’m sorry it’s just I’ve never done that with anyone before!” John pleads,
eyes wide but glazed with the satisfied glow of oxytocin and endorphins.
“No I mean you’re not supposed to put your material inside of me, that’s just
dumb.” The troll crawls his way up the couch to straddle John’s face awkwardly.
“Noww fuckin finish wwhat you started!” He orders.
The Heir is cautious, licking the tip of the odd tentacle-like apparatus,
sliding his tongue along the smooth grey surface. He pops it into his mouth
softly, suckling the tip, before the troll thrusts inward and John gags because
oh wow that was a lot of weird alien dick to take all at once. But it swiftly
becomes second nature, the human working Eridan’s bulge around his mouth,
swirling his tongue. Okay, now the bulge is thicker, that’s cool, he can handle
this- oh. Oh my god that is a lot of cum, and when Eridan starts it’s like he
never stops, filling John’s mouth within seconds before spilling messily all
over the couch, dripping onto the carpet, a sticky purple mess of viscous
fluid.
When all is said and done, both boys collapse in a heap, panting and attempting
to rationalize to themselves what they just did. Suddenly, footsteps are heard.
Measured, slow footsteps.
“Hello Eridan I Was Going To Inquire As To Oh Sweet Mother Grub That Will Never
Come Out Of The Carpet We’ll Have To Buy A Rug Maybe Something In A Nice Auburn
Color,” Kanaya is standing in the doorway, arms folded primly across her chest,
concern painting her features.
“This isn’t wwhat it looks like!” Eridan spits, scrambling off the couch to
hastily pull his pants back on.
“I Don’t Give A Single Fuck What It Is Or Is Not I Simply Am Concerned For The
State Of My Furnishings, You May Have Very Well Ruined My Couch As Well. Also,
Hello John.” John waves meekly back at her, face burning red-hot to be caught,
naked, unable to find the coordination to get his clothes and dress himself.
Eridan finishes dressing just as Kanaya finishes talking. She turns to leave
and he stumbles after her, bubbling over with weak excuses.
John just lays there.
Well, fuck.
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